FACEBOOK STATUS WHICH ARE FUNNY

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____ My wife: “What’s Facebook like?” Me: “It’s amazing.” Her: “OK, I’ll join.” Me: “Oh look, Facebook just shut down forever. That’s too bad.” (Karanbir Singh Tinna)
____ Wow.. I didn't know spandex could hold that much. (Toni Daniels)
____ America was not shut down properly. Would you like to restart America in safe mode? (Recommended) (Kara Felice)
____ I would never take a bullet for anyone, because taking something that's not yours is called stealing and stealing is just plain wrong. (Gary Hensley)
____ Personally I think that every political Facebook status should start with, "First of all, I have no idea what I'm talking about." ...(Shauna Richards)
____ Bread is so lazy. All it does is loaf around. I'll leave now. (Stacy Fournier)
____ If I ever win the lottery, the first thing I'm going to buy is a pot to piss in. I've always wanted one of those. (Gary Hensley)
____ Call me crazy, but I don't think I really need to be in this mental institution. (Stacy Fournier)
____ I danced like no one was watching but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure & called an ambulance. (Billy Guy)
____ Every time this status gets a 'Like' a member of Congress gets kicked in the groin. (Javier Spartikus Malave)
____ No, Ignorance isn't bliss. It's just a fancy word for stupid. (Lisa Brooks)

paul walker facebook update

:( RIP PAUL WALKER :(

"It is with a truly heavy heart that we must confirm that Paul Walker passed away today in a tragic car accident while attending a charity event for his organization Reach Out Worldwide. He was a passenger in a friend's car, in which both lost their lives. We appreciate your patience as we too are stunned and saddened beyond belief by this news. Thank you for keeping his family and friends in your prayers during this very difficult time. We will do our best to keep you apprised on where to send condolences. - #TeamPW"

funny facebook status updates 2013

____ Marriage is basically just 99% replying to each other with... "I don't care, what do you want for dinner?" 
____ Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you're in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck. (Bob MuppetMan Brittain)
____ Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was. 
____ The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work.
____ The first rule of condescending club is really kinda complex and I don't think you'd understand it even if I explained it to you. 
____ Me: Well, I'm hot blooded, check it and see. I got a fever of a hundred and three...
911 Operator: Did u call earlier about having a bad case of loving me?
Me: Maybe
911 Operator: Sir...please stop 
____ I woke up late. - obamas fault. I stubbed my toe - obamas fault. I hit a squirrel - obamas fault. I have indigestion - obamas fault. I hate you - obamas fault. 
____ Had a good workout at the gym today. 50 reps on the bench press. Working my way up to actually putting weights on the bar.
____ ...so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down... 

FUNNY FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES ABOUT LOVE

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____ "In an unhealthy relationship" should definitely be a Facebook option. 
____ I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife).. but still my own
____ Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd. 
____ Can somebody lower their standards and fall in love with me, please? 
____ Some consider Romeo and Juliet a tale of true romantic love. Sure, if you consider 2 underage kids in a relationship that lasted 3 days causing 2 suicides and 3 murders romantic.
____ If you like someone, tell them. Or just stalk them on every social network and cry yourself to sleep every night. It's whatevs.
____ It's better to have loved and lost than to have me punch you in the esophagus.
____ Every now and then I like to reflect on marriage and think to myself, "Where would I be, if not for my husband?" Then I get all depressed and have to stop because I keep coming up with all these great answers.
____ You hate yourself? Cool, I guess we do have something in common. I hate you too. Let's date.

FUNNY FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

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____ "Are you single?" "No, I'm in a committed endless discussion about where to have dinner." 
____ The self-checkout line was invented by a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons.
____ I think once we get past the restraining orders and the court dates and the stalking charges, we can really make this relationship work. 
____ You call it stalking...I call it a complicated long distance relationship with lack of effort to make this thing work on your part. 
____ You call it Russian Roulette. I call it coming home to my wife every day.
____ that awkward moment when you realize your husband DOES check Facebook. 
____ "In an unhealthy relationship" should definitely be a Facebook option. 
____ I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife).. but still my own.
____ Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
____ Can somebody lower their standards and fall in love with me, please? 

GANPATI INVITATION SMS/ GANPATI INVITATION TWEET FACEBOOK UPDATE

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!!! Ganapati Bappa Morya !!!

You are cordially invited to join the celebrations  of Ganesh Utsav at our residence.

Itinerary: From __ to __

September____: Ganesh Murty Pratishthapana

Daily Arti : @ ___ PM

September____: Maha-Arati  @ ____ PM

September____: Gauri Haldi-Kumkum ___ PM 

& Ganesh Murty Visarjan @___ PM.

Please join us in the celebrations on any day per your convenience.

funny status on olympics / funny tweets on olympics

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Every four years, for two weeks, ping pong becomes "table tennis

Oh, I get it now; The Olympics are designed to destroy our self esteem and body image.

Four years of training, all that hard work, just for the slight chance to be in a Subway sandwich commercial. #olympics

Every Olympic event should include one average person competing, for reference.

You never see Michael Phelps's father in the stands because he is a dolphin.

I've watched so much Olympics I read my timeline with imaginary commentator voiceovers critiquing your performance.

Somalia on the phone. Very apologetic. They've only just realised that shooting and sailing are two separate events.

Three months from now, a bearded Michael Phelps uses his silver medal to prop up a wobbly table leg at Denny's.

Am I the only one who thinks it’s funny that the Chinese athletes are competing to win back the medals they probably made a month ago?

ME WATCHING OLYMPIC EVENT: “Holy shit that was amazing!” COMMENTATOR: “Ooh, that was not good at all. He must really be upset with himself.”

When a US athlete wins an Olympic medal, it's like I won too. So when I sit around doing nothing all day, it's like I'm resting for them.

Janmasthami Messages / janmasthami tweets

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Maakhan khave, Shor machave Gopiyon ke sang Raas rachave,
Murli bajake Mann harshave hai Natkhat Nand Gopal…
Wish U A very Happy Janmashtmi

Makhan churakr jisne khaya, Bansi bajakr jisne nachaya, Khushi manao uske janm ki, Jisne duniya ko Prem shikhaya.
HAPPY JANMASATMI

Dekho Phir Janmashtmi Aayi Hai,Makhan Ki handi ne phir mithas bhadhai hai,Kanha Ki leela hai Sabse Pyari,Wo de tumhe duniya bhar k khusiya sari.Happy Janmasthmi

Nand ke ghar Anand Hi Anand Bhayo,Jo Nand Ke Ghar Gopal Aayo, Jai Ho Murli Dhar Gopal ki,Jai Ho Kanhaiya Lal Ki” Happy Janmashtami.fr

Shri Krishna k kadam apke ghar aaye….
Aap khushiyon k deep jalayye…
Pareshani apse ankhe churaye…
Krishna Janmotsav ki aapko subh kamnaye…
Happy Janmashtmi.

krishan ki mahima,krishan ka pyar,krishan me shradha,krishan se sansar,mubarak ho apko janmasthami ka tyohar..SHRI KRISHAN ki kripa aap par sada bani rahe..

A Manohar Bansiwale..kuch aisi Bansi suna,sur thambh jae,Rag thambh jae,shanti ho jae,har sans Tuze pukare,AWTAR Jaldi le..le..krishna kania lal ki jay..

Krishna jisaka nam hai,Gokul jisaka dham hai aise bhagvan ko ham sab ka pranam hai..
HAPPY JANMASHTAMI

Happy janmashtami..may lord krishna showers all his blessing on U.May U get a lot of Happines in life..
Jay shri krishna..

HARE KRISHNA,HARE KRISHNA,KRISHNA KRISHNA HARE HARE..HARE RAMA HARE RAMA RAMA RAMA HARE HARE..AAPKO AUR AAPKE PURE PARIWAR KO..JANMASHTAMI KI SUBH KAMNAYE…

Krishn ki shakti aur Kanaiya ki bhakti se aapko khusi ki bahar mile,KRASHN ki kripa se her kadam per safalta mile..HAPPY JANMASHTAMI
if things are happeing according to ur wish,u r luky but if not ITS Happening according to krishnas wish..HARE kRiShna..Happy janmashtami

Dahi ki handi
Baris ka fuhar
Makhan churane aaye nandlal
Mubarak ho aapko janmastami ka tyohar.
Happy krishan janmastmi.

Indian Independence Day message

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Indian Independence Day Sms, Quotes and Text messages

Happy happy independence day to all who visit this site.
Freedom in the Mind,
Faith in the words..
Pride in our Souls..
Lets salute the Nation on 65th Independence Day!

=–..__..-=-._.
!=–..__..-=-._;
!=- -..(*..-=_;
!=–..__..-=-._;
!
i
i
Let’s Take Decision
To Value Our Nation
Won’t Forget Those Sacrifices,
Who Gave Us Freedom
Now Its Our Turn
To Have A Reformation.
Happy 65th Independence Day to All :)
Lets Celebrate This Day.
The Day That Gave Us The Freedom Of Thought, Action, Faith n Speech


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Independence day is a
good time to examine
who we are and how we got here.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today we come together,
Be the cause for the unity,
Make it Beautiful day another..
Fight against corruption,
Spurl the flag of On NATION
Happy Independence Day!


----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Happy B’DAY.
Oh no, Happy NATIONAL Day.
Oh i forget, Happy ANNIVERSARY.
No i Was Wrong. Happy VICTORY DAY.
Oh my god Happy NEW Year.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thousands laid down their lives so
that our country is breathing this day
Never forget their sacrifice…
Happy Independence Day

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Other might have forgotten,
But never can i,
The Flag of my country
Furls very high,
Happy Independence day


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
31 States,
1618 Languages,
6400 Castes,
6 Religion,
6 Ethnic Groups,
29 Major festivals
1 Country!
Be Proud to be an Indian!..
Happy Independence Day………



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wishing You A Wonderful
Super-Duper – Zabardast
Xtra-Badiya – Xtra Special
Ekdum Mast n Happy
Bole To Ekdum Jhakaas
*Happy Independence Day*


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our life is full of colors..
I hope this 15th august will add more colors to yours life
Happy Independence Day


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Halki si dhoop barsat ke baad,
thori si khushi har baat k baad,
Isi tarah mubarak ho aap ko,
Jashan-e-azadi 4 din k baad..
Wish u a very Happy Independence Day


------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Watan Hamara aise na chor paye koi…
Rishta Hamara aise na Tor paaye koi…
Dil hamare ek hai ek hai hamari jaan…
Hindustan hamara hai hum hai iski shaan…
Jaan Luta denge watan pe ho jayenge Qurban…
Isliye Hum kehte hai mera desh mahan..
***** Happy Independence Day*******

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
kyun marte ho bewafa sanam ke liye
do gaz zameen bhi na milegi dafan ke liye
marna hai to maro watan ke liye
karodon ladkiyan apna dupatta bichha dengi tumhare kafan ke liye

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Independence a Precious gift of God.
May We Always Remain Independent
A Very Happy Independence Day To You.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Na zuban se,
Na nigahon se,
Na dimag se,
Na rango se,
Na greeting se,
Na gift se,
Aapko “Jashne Azadi Mubarak” direct dil se

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Aao desh ka samman kare
shahido ki shahadat yaad kare
ek baar fir se rashtra ki kamaan..
Hum hindustani apne haath dhare..
Aao.. Swantantra diwas kaa maan kare…

La Tomatina messages / La Tomatina tweets

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La Tomatina in Buñol (Bunyol), Valencia is the largest food fight on the planet. Every year approximately 40,000 tomato enthusiasts turn up for the biggest tomato fight in the world. 

Five bulbous, tomato-packed rockets are sent whistling into the sky to start the festival of La Tomatina. The masses congregated below then launch into a one hour frenzy of tomato throwing - it's everyone for themselves.

The event has become one of the highlights on Spain's summer festivals calendar with thousands of people flocking to this little Valencian town for this chaotic event.

Such are the numbers going to La Tomatina that the event has become a victim of its own success. The sheer number of people means that it's extremely difficult to get anywhere near the central area where the tomato lorries arrive so you may well find yourself a few streets away from the main action. Never mind, there are plenty people in the same boat and the street partying goes on no matter where you are

Experience their all night wine & water festival. 

London olympics Medal tally - august 5

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Rank	Nation	Gold	Silver	Bronze	Total
1	China (CHN)	28	16	14	58
2	United States (USA)	26	14	15	55
3	Great Britain (GBR)*	16	9	9	34
4	South Korea (KOR)	10	4	7	21
5	France (FRA)	8	6	9	23
6	Germany (GER)	5	10	6	21
7	Italy (ITA)	5	5	3	13
8	Kazakhstan (KAZ)	5	0	0	5
9	North Korea (PRK)	4	0	1	5
10	Russia (RUS)	3	15	13	31
11	Netherlands (NED)	3	1	4	8
12	Hungary (HUN)	3	1	2	6
13	South Africa (RSA)	3	1	0	4
14	New Zealand (NZL)	3	0	4	7
15	Japan (JPN)	2	11	12	25
16	Romania (ROU)	2	4	2	8
17	Cuba (CUB)	2	2	1	5
18	Poland (POL)	2	1	1	4
19	Ukraine (UKR)	2	0	4	6
20	Ethiopia (ETH)	2	0	1	3
21	Australia (AUS)	1	12	7	20
22	Denmark (DEN)	1	4	2	7
23	Canada (CAN)	1	3	6	10
24	Sweden (SWE)	1	3	0	4
25	Belarus (BLR)	1	2	3	6
26	Czech Republic (CZE)	1	2	1	4
27	Brazil (BRA)	1	1	5	7
28	Croatia (CRO)	1	1	0	2
	Switzerland (SUI)	1	1	0	2
30	Slovenia (SLO)	1	0	2	3
31	Jamaica (JAM)	1	0	1	2
32	Georgia (GEO)	1	0	0	1
	Lithuania (LTU)	1	0	0	1
	Venezuela (VEN)	1	0	0	1
35	Mexico (MEX)	0	3	1	4
36	Colombia (COL)	0	2	1	3
	Kenya (KEN)	0	2	1	3
	Spain (ESP)	0	2	1	3
39	Slovakia (SVK)	0	1	3	4
40	India (IND)	0	1	2	3
41	Belgium (BEL)	0	1	1	2
	Indonesia (INA)	0	1	1	2
	Mongolia (MGL)	0	1	1	2
	Norway (NOR)	0	1	1	2
	Serbia (SRB)	0	1	1	2
46	Egypt (EGY)	0	1	0	1
	Guatemala (GUA)	0	1	0	1
	Malaysia (MAS)	0	1	0	1
	Thailand (THA)	0	1	0	1
	Chinese Taipei (TPE)	0	1	0	1
51	Greece (GRE)	0	0	2	2
	Moldova (MDA)	0	0	2	2
53	Argentina (ARG)	0	0	1	1
	Azerbaijan (AZE)	0	0	1	1
	Hong Kong (HKG)	0	0	1	1
	Iran (IRI)	0	0	1	1
	Qatar (QAT)	0	0	1	1
	Singapore (SIN)	0	0	1	1
	Tunisia (TUN)	0	0	1	1
	Uzbekistan (UZB)	0	0	1	1
	Total (60 NOCs)		148	150	162	460

Note: This table reflects medal counts as of 5 August 2012 (Day 9).