Funny SMS

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One Liners


Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilarious, friendly...well enough about ME! How are you?

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

How do u occupy an idiot? Press down - Press up...Press Down...!

Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry
370HSSV 0773H

FRIEND SEARCH: Friend detector activated...calibration complete, now searching.....still searching....still searching......sorry, no friends found.

Hw do U kp a txtr in suspense? I'll tel U l8r.

Ths msg cn only b read by a SEXY person -

Nothing? Soz, I guess UR just not SEXY But hey, i Didnt force it ugly, so get lost!

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!


HELP: Cops are after a suspect who smart, witty, sexy and good lookin...so where you gonna hide ME?


This is your CellPhone Operator. We just found out you're too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it. Thank you


Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.


A husband was asked: Do u talk to wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone

Addiction funny facebook status updates

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NAME...
-is huked on fonics.
-needs blood in his caffeine system
-is thinking about taking up golf to cure his sex addiction... If it worked for Tiger...
-thinks reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
-thinks he might be addicted to Facebook because he's seeing a lot of random people around the -city, that he's already seen on Facebook.
-would quit smoking but it's better that I smoke this and let the dreams of the cigarette workers -come true then to be selfish & worry about my lungs
-thinks he might be addicted to twitter and alcohol since, he created a Twitter acccount just to
-follow the updates of various bars for their specials
-might be addicted to eBay considering he just spent 6 hours trying to burn the face of Jesus into his toast
-thinks cocaine is a good way of telling you that you make too much money
-loves cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.


2010 New Year's Resolution Funny Facebook Status Updates
NAME...
's 2010 New Year's resolution is to NOT interrupt Taylor Swift if she is making an acceptance speech at a music awards ceremony.
's 2010 New Year's resolution is to hide the golf clubs before having multiple "transgressions".
's 2010 New Year's resolution is to avoid having 8 kids and getting a reality TV show.
's 2010 New Year's resolution is to come up with another way to get on TV instead of faking that his 6 year old son is in a runaway weather balloon.
's 2010 New Year's resolution is to see Michael Jackson live in concert. What? He died? How come there was no media coverage?
's 2010 New Year's resolution is to be on the guest list for Obama's next state dinner.
's 2010 New Year's resolution is to re-enact the movie "The Hangover" in real life.
's 2010 New Year's resolution is to find hidden immunity idols in his house with no clues.
's 2010 New Year's resolution is to finally collect on his fortunes from Nigeria... Suckers!
's 2010 New Year's resolution is to be more like Sarah Palin a finish evertything that I st