____ We have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift"... they say "Boss", we say "stupid psychopathic git"...
____ I take my best pictures running red lights...
____ Insanity doesn't run in my family. It gallops. And sometimes skips.
____ When I was young my family was so poor the only time we got to eat meat was when we bit our tongue.
____ My eyes woke up on the bong side of red.
____ Every time I'm about to win an argument with my wife someone wakes me up
____ I think it's rather ironic that the state of Connecticut has two contradictory actions in it's name.
____ If it wasn't for my nowledge of English spelling and grammer, I would had nothing.
____ My friend David had his id stolen. So now we just call him Dav.
____ Got pulled over by the cops today & he asked me if I had a police record. I said, "Yes...'Every Breath You Take' & 'Don't Stand So Close to Me'"...now, what is my lawyer's number?
____ I see myself as one day being an old man in an assisted living facility crushing my pill cups with my bare hands to impress the nurses.
____ What would Elvis do?
____ It saddens me to think there are people in the world who don't pretend to paddle a canoe while on the moving walkways in airports.
____ If a kidnapper sends you a ransom note with spelling and grammatical errors, it's okay to demand a new one before starting negotiations.
____ Two months ago I threw my friend a great party. I think he should go home now
____ When people ask me to keep them in my prayers, I say sure. I should probably clarify though that most of my prayers are about nachos. So if you need a nacho-related prayer, I'm your girl.
____ Every time a door closes, another opens somewhere else. I think it's, like, an air pressure thing.
____ How much do you have to drink to forget a year? Whatever that is, that is what I will drink as my New Years Resolution.
____ Shuffle all you want. Everyday I'm guzzling.
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____ I take my best pictures running red lights...
____ Insanity doesn't run in my family. It gallops. And sometimes skips.
____ When I was young my family was so poor the only time we got to eat meat was when we bit our tongue.
____ My eyes woke up on the bong side of red.
____ Every time I'm about to win an argument with my wife someone wakes me up
____ I think it's rather ironic that the state of Connecticut has two contradictory actions in it's name.
____ If it wasn't for my nowledge of English spelling and grammer, I would had nothing.
____ My friend David had his id stolen. So now we just call him Dav.
____ Got pulled over by the cops today & he asked me if I had a police record. I said, "Yes...'Every Breath You Take' & 'Don't Stand So Close to Me'"...now, what is my lawyer's number?
____ I see myself as one day being an old man in an assisted living facility crushing my pill cups with my bare hands to impress the nurses.
____ What would Elvis do?
____ It saddens me to think there are people in the world who don't pretend to paddle a canoe while on the moving walkways in airports.
____ If a kidnapper sends you a ransom note with spelling and grammatical errors, it's okay to demand a new one before starting negotiations.
____ Two months ago I threw my friend a great party. I think he should go home now
____ When people ask me to keep them in my prayers, I say sure. I should probably clarify though that most of my prayers are about nachos. So if you need a nacho-related prayer, I'm your girl.
____ Every time a door closes, another opens somewhere else. I think it's, like, an air pressure thing.
____ How much do you have to drink to forget a year? Whatever that is, that is what I will drink as my New Years Resolution.
____ Shuffle all you want. Everyday I'm guzzling.
Click on advertisements on this page, support my site :-)
