Showing posts with label Hilarious. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hilarious. Show all posts

Friday, May 18, 2012

New funny facebook status updates

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___ I hate it when I'm drinking and somebody tries to correct my Vodkabulary.
____ I just finished playing Operation with my nephew. Sooo much blood.
____ "OMFG! The TITANIC sank! the TITANIC sank!" - My Facebook status update from 100 years ago today. 
____ Before Facebook, I used to be stupid in the privacy of my own mind. 
____ In honor of my 100th post on MSIB, baconvodkastatusrockslotsoflikes. 
____ I hate it when I hold back on saying something during a conversation because I know it will offend people, and then I see the look on everyone's face and realize I've already said it.
____ Did you know that 85% percent of pie charts resemble Pacman? 
____ I just found an onion ring in my french fries! Best day ever! No wait, I think that's an ear...never mind. :( 
____ "Wow - absolutely nobody is using the Internet today!" -Me, whenever nobody likes my posts. 
____ You know you are under a lot of stress when you start getting on your own nerves.
____ I asked for a bowl of Alphabet soup at a Mexican restaurant. I couldn't understand how to eat it.
____ Why do kids think answering an important phone call is code for “start screaming”?
____ When you upload photos to Facebook, I'd appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends. It makes stalking them much easier. Thank you. 
____ I'm curious how many of you are Austrian. Can I have a show of Hans?
____ My wife is going to get a big surprise when she tries to sleep in tomorrow. I superglued a thumbtack to the snooze button. 

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

HILARIOUS FACEBOOK AND ORKUT STATUS MESSAGES

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NAME...

1.thinks that a clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

2.is going to have a day of firm decisions! Or am I?

3.thinks all the world's a stage. Too bad I missed rehearsal.

4.is going to borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect to be paid back.

5.is proud to be modest!

6.says ask me about my vow of silence.

7.is living better through denial.

8.says blessed are they who go around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.

9.is boldly going nowhere.

10.says cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

11.is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

12.couldn't myself have better it said.

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