FUNNY FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

Click on advertisements on this page. A part of the revenue goes towards charity :)


____ "Are you single?" "No, I'm in a committed endless discussion about where to have dinner." 
____ The self-checkout line was invented by a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons.
____ I think once we get past the restraining orders and the court dates and the stalking charges, we can really make this relationship work. 
____ You call it stalking...I call it a complicated long distance relationship with lack of effort to make this thing work on your part. 
____ You call it Russian Roulette. I call it coming home to my wife every day.
____ that awkward moment when you realize your husband DOES check Facebook. 
____ "In an unhealthy relationship" should definitely be a Facebook option. 
____ I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife).. but still my own.
____ Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
____ Can somebody lower their standards and fall in love with me, please? 

Clever facebook updates / Clever tweets

Click on advertisements on this page. A part of the revenue goes towards charity :)

51. I know I seem calm but, its probably because in my mind, I've killed you three times today.

52. My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.

53. My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.

54. Failure is not an option. It's bundled with your software.

55. There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.

56. You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

57. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

58. Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.

59. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

60. You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

Hilarious facebook status updates / funny tweets

Click on advertisements on this page. A part of the revenue goes towards charity :)

21. Despite what everyone says, I don't think your mom is a "dirtypirate whore". She's actually quite clean for a pirate whore.

22. How is English not considered a Romantic language? "Boobs"? Helloooooo?

23. I bet childhood obesity rates in Hidden Valley are completely off the charts.

24. I have serious ethical problems participating in human cloning experiments.. I just couldn't live with myself.

25. I may be a little off base here, but I don't think the point of those personal breathalyzers is trying to beat your old score.

26. Dude. Go shave your mustache. Just because it looks good on your mother doesn't mean you can wear it well.

27. I hope that one day I will be mature enough to spell extravaganza without giggling after the first 8 letters.

28. Been on hold so long I can't remember who I called. I have a credit card out and my pants off but that doesn't really narrow it down much.

29. My internet is so slow, it's just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.

30. Wishing yourpetscould talk is fun until you remember everything you've ever done in front of your pets.

new funny facecebook status updaes

Click on advertisements on this page, support my site :-)
____ Note to self: Blaming the chair doesn't work when the fart was silent.
____ To overcome my gambling addiction my therapist advised me to Google it. It's hard to look past the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button though.
____ If a thief ever broke into my home, I'd just pretend to be a thief too. We'll laugh & hug and then he'll leave because I was there first
____ I'm beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work
____ I hate when I forget my password... then have to waste 30 seconds of my life to reset it! (Jack Wagon)
____ I am going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, you can just tell them I'm outstanding.
____ That awkward moment when you compliment a guy's belt buckle...and I really hope that I don't have to explain why this is awkward. 
____ I am going to concentrate on what's important in life. I'm going to strive everyday to be a kind and generous and loving person. After that I am going to sprout wings and fly to the moon.
____ Its a funny sensation, holding a cold beer with your thighs while typing a Facebook status. 

Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Click on advertisements on this page, support my site :-)


____ I hate it when I'm drinking and somebody tries to correct my Vodkabulary. 
____ I just finished playing Operation with my nephew. Sooo much blood. 
____ "OMFG! The TITANIC sank! the TITANIC sank!" - My Facebook status update from 100 years ago today. 
____ Before Facebook, I used to be stupid in the privacy of my own mind. 

____ I hate it when I hold back on saying something during a conversation because I know it will offend people, and then I see the look on everyone's face and realize I've already said it. 
____ Did you know that 85% percent of pie charts resemble Pacman?
____ I just found an onion ring in my french fries! Best day ever! No wait, I think that's an ear...never mind. :( 
____ "Wow - absolutely nobody is using the Internet today!" -Me, whenever nobody likes my posts.
____ You know you are under a lot of stress when you start getting on your own nerves. 
____ I asked for a bowl of Alphabet soup at a Mexican restaurant. I couldn't understand how to eat it. 
____ Why do kids think answering an important phone call is code for “start screaming”?

____ When you upload photos to Facebook, I'd appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends. It makes stalking them much easier. Thank you.
____ I'm curious how many of you are Austrian. Can I have a show of Hans? 
____ My wife is going to get a big surprise when she tries to sleep in tomorrow. I superglued a thumbtack to the snooze button. 

clever facebook updates

Pls Click on advertisements on this page, support my site :-)


--NAME


is wondering how blind people dream.
is wondering: if quizzes are quizzical, then tests are…?
is wondering why a “fat chance” and a “slim chance” mean the same thing.
is wondering why bra is singular and panties plural?
is wondering if you can cry under water?
is wondering why you are IN a movie, but ON TV?
is wondering why rain drops and snow falls?
is wondering why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
is wondering why the time of day with the slowest traffic is called rush hour.
is wondering how they call a male ladybug.
is wondering why a whole damn airplane isn’t made out of the same material as the undestroyable black box?