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____ If I owe you an apology...you should probably know that I am already drowning in debt.
____ that awkward moment when the server hands me the mixed girly drink and my boyfriend my beer. (
____ insert a funny status here: ________ because I f***ing give up.
____ WATER - Giver of life…. Destroyer of witches…. Improver of t-shirt contests.
____ If you get a tattoo on your face you can pretty much guarantee you are no longer anyone's emergency contact.
____ Sometimes I wear a cape because I'm a SUPER MUTHER F**KER!
____ "Misery loves company." must have been the driving force behind bring your child to work day.
____ When you work 7 days a week EVERY DAY IS FRIDAY!!! Haha, just kidding! I wish I was dead.
____ To the idiot who got behind me, flashing his light and honking, and then tried to pass me on the shoulder: Yes, I sped up on purpose so you would have to take that exit, and it's a LOOOOOONG freaking way before you will have a chance to turn around. HA!
____ loves technology! My car just told me that I was too drunk to drive! Well, it didn't actually say that but, I woke up, upside down in a ditch...so, it must have been trying to tell me that.
____ Occasionally I like to look through my old statuses and smile smugly at my sparkling wit.
____ My mind says, "Clean this nasty house!" My body says, "Bitch, shut up!"
____ My life has become a never ending game of "illegal or just frowned upon?"
____ You can tell how much someone respects you based on the quality of silverware they put out when setting the table. FYI - my entire childhood I thought used popsicle sticks were knives.
____ It’s cute how the outdoors tries to compete with the internet.
____ thinks that my dignity and boundaries are hanging out again. I can't seem to find either one. :(
____ I'm open to new things if they are similar to old ones and get me high or drunk or laid.
____ <------- Believes that no one is a better judge of character than old dogs and little babies.
____ Dear Lucky Charms, Please stop putting cereal in my box of marshmallows. Thank you.
____ Sometimes I feel like porn is the least embarrassing thing I look at on the internet.
____ If I owe you an apology...you should probably know that I am already drowning in debt.
____ that awkward moment when the server hands me the mixed girly drink and my boyfriend my beer. (
____ insert a funny status here: ________ because I f***ing give up.
____ WATER - Giver of life…. Destroyer of witches…. Improver of t-shirt contests.
____ If you get a tattoo on your face you can pretty much guarantee you are no longer anyone's emergency contact.
____ Sometimes I wear a cape because I'm a SUPER MUTHER F**KER!
____ "Misery loves company." must have been the driving force behind bring your child to work day.
____ When you work 7 days a week EVERY DAY IS FRIDAY!!! Haha, just kidding! I wish I was dead.
____ To the idiot who got behind me, flashing his light and honking, and then tried to pass me on the shoulder: Yes, I sped up on purpose so you would have to take that exit, and it's a LOOOOOONG freaking way before you will have a chance to turn around. HA!
____ loves technology! My car just told me that I was too drunk to drive! Well, it didn't actually say that but, I woke up, upside down in a ditch...so, it must have been trying to tell me that.
____ Occasionally I like to look through my old statuses and smile smugly at my sparkling wit.
____ My mind says, "Clean this nasty house!" My body says, "Bitch, shut up!"
____ My life has become a never ending game of "illegal or just frowned upon?"
____ You can tell how much someone respects you based on the quality of silverware they put out when setting the table. FYI - my entire childhood I thought used popsicle sticks were knives.
____ It’s cute how the outdoors tries to compete with the internet.
____ thinks that my dignity and boundaries are hanging out again. I can't seem to find either one. :(
____ I'm open to new things if they are similar to old ones and get me high or drunk or laid.
____ <------- Believes that no one is a better judge of character than old dogs and little babies.
____ Dear Lucky Charms, Please stop putting cereal in my box of marshmallows. Thank you.
____ Sometimes I feel like porn is the least embarrassing thing I look at on the internet.
