new funny facecebook status updaes

Click on advertisements on this page, support my site :-)
____ Note to self: Blaming the chair doesn't work when the fart was silent.
____ To overcome my gambling addiction my therapist advised me to Google it. It's hard to look past the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button though.
____ If a thief ever broke into my home, I'd just pretend to be a thief too. We'll laugh & hug and then he'll leave because I was there first
____ I'm beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work
____ I hate when I forget my password... then have to waste 30 seconds of my life to reset it! (Jack Wagon)
____ I am going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, you can just tell them I'm outstanding.
____ That awkward moment when you compliment a guy's belt buckle...and I really hope that I don't have to explain why this is awkward. 
____ I am going to concentrate on what's important in life. I'm going to strive everyday to be a kind and generous and loving person. After that I am going to sprout wings and fly to the moon.
____ Its a funny sensation, holding a cold beer with your thighs while typing a Facebook status. 

Crazy facebook status

Click on advertisements on this page, support my site :-)
-Just $8 a month can help these children build a well...... To hide from Madonna


-Whenever i want to post something silly on my status, i stop and think. .. what if i meet with a sudden death tonight? do i want my last status to be "i got drunk and peed on my neighbours lawn again" ?


-I don't trust people who don't smile with their teeth.


-dear harry potter,
if i did 8 movies to defeat one lame villain, i would give people their money back,
yours faithfully,
chuck norris


-To all those who totally got on board with the whole planking and owling thing, the next big thing is called jumping off a bridge


-If Always really wanted me to have a happy period, they would have made the tampon vibrate!


-hasn't been on FB for 3 days. I love to keep my stalkers guessing!


-Did you know that if you put your ear to a strangers leg that you can hear them say "What the F*#$K are you doing!?"???...