Thursday, April 26, 2012

Funny Status Messages for Facebook

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____ I hate it when I'm drinking and somebody tries to correct my Vodkabulary. 
____ I just finished playing Operation with my nephew. Sooo much blood. 
____ "OMFG! The TITANIC sank! the TITANIC sank!" - My Facebook status update from 100 years ago today. 
____ Before Facebook, I used to be stupid in the privacy of my own mind. 

____ I hate it when I hold back on saying something during a conversation because I know it will offend people, and then I see the look on everyone's face and realize I've already said it. 
____ Did you know that 85% percent of pie charts resemble Pacman?
____ I just found an onion ring in my french fries! Best day ever! No wait, I think that's an ear...never mind. :( 
____ "Wow - absolutely nobody is using the Internet today!" -Me, whenever nobody likes my posts.
____ You know you are under a lot of stress when you start getting on your own nerves. 
____ I asked for a bowl of Alphabet soup at a Mexican restaurant. I couldn't understand how to eat it. 
____ Why do kids think answering an important phone call is code for “start screaming”?

____ When you upload photos to Facebook, I'd appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends. It makes stalking them much easier. Thank you.
____ I'm curious how many of you are Austrian. Can I have a show of Hans? 
____ My wife is going to get a big surprise when she tries to sleep in tomorrow. I superglued a thumbtack to the snooze button. 

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