Blonde Jokes

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There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.




The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"



Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"



Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00



The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"



Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.



*There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.

Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.

The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight


to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.


The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.

"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"





*Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for 7 hours?

A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner!





*A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates, where she is greeted by St. Peter.

"Welcome!" he says. "Because we are currently operating at 99% capacity, we can only let a limited number of souls into heaven. Therefore, you must answer my questions correctly to gain entrance."

"Okay," says the blonde.

"Here's your question: name two days of the week that begin with the letter T."

"That's easy. Today and tomorrow!"

"Well, that's not the answer I was thinking of, but I'll give you another question. How many seconds are there in a year?"

"That's easy. Twelve!"

"Twelve?"

"January second, February second, March second -- "

"Okay, okay. I can see you misunderstood this question as well. Well, Okay. I'll give you one more chance. What's God's name?"

"That's easy. Howard!"

"Howard?"

"You know -- 'Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name...



* A man bumps into a blonde woman in ahotel lobby and as he does his elbow goes into her breast.


They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."



* A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"



*Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.

The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."

The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."

The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."

The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.