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____ GODDAMMIT!!! YOU GUYS ARE ON MY FRIENDS
LIST BECAUSE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LIKE EVERYTHING I POST!!!! ~ Everyone,
probably.
____ Ladies: If after one date you tell me, "OMG, you're exactly like me!" That kinda scares me off. I know what I'm like.
____ The next person that tells me I have no shame...probably knows me pretty damn well.
____ If there is one thing I've learned in life: an opossum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
____ When someone says literally, most of the times its not literal. The world is full of liars.
____ Every scar tells an interesting story. Except acne scars, those are pretty boring stories...
____ I hate having to explain myself. Don't ask me why.
____ Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can't see that it says: "This one has insurance. Don't kill him."
____ woke up thirty minutes ago, and it's already been "one of those days".
____ Well, he never showed up for our date, so I'm assuming my imaginary doctor boyfriend is off saving lives or something. That's SO like him!
____ True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
____ wanna go deaf for a few minutes? bring a bolt to an amusement park. Get on a roller coaster with a person who looks terrified. When the ride starts, hold up the bolt and say, "Wait...where did this come from?"
____ I took one of my girlfriends vitamins this morning and if anybody wants to go shoe shopping or ask my opinion on curtains, call me.
____ Just pointed at my bag of gummie sharks and said "you're next" as I walked out of the kitchen with a piece of toast. So yeah, big night ahead of me.
____ Better get off of Facebook soon. It's Friday night, and these cats won't Bedazzle themselves...
____ accidentally called a phone sex line for married people. It was just a long uncomfortable silence till the operator said “make it quick.”
____ My inner voices are giving me all sorts of New Year's resolution ideas. No wait.. That's just the dishwasher running.
____ Whenever I block someone from Facebook, I pretend I'm the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld: "No soup for you!" and then I laugh and laugh.
____ Ladies: If after one date you tell me, "OMG, you're exactly like me!" That kinda scares me off. I know what I'm like.
____ The next person that tells me I have no shame...probably knows me pretty damn well.
____ If there is one thing I've learned in life: an opossum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
____ When someone says literally, most of the times its not literal. The world is full of liars.
____ Every scar tells an interesting story. Except acne scars, those are pretty boring stories...
____ I hate having to explain myself. Don't ask me why.
____ Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can't see that it says: "This one has insurance. Don't kill him."
____ woke up thirty minutes ago, and it's already been "one of those days".
____ Well, he never showed up for our date, so I'm assuming my imaginary doctor boyfriend is off saving lives or something. That's SO like him!
____ True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
____ wanna go deaf for a few minutes? bring a bolt to an amusement park. Get on a roller coaster with a person who looks terrified. When the ride starts, hold up the bolt and say, "Wait...where did this come from?"
____ I took one of my girlfriends vitamins this morning and if anybody wants to go shoe shopping or ask my opinion on curtains, call me.
____ Just pointed at my bag of gummie sharks and said "you're next" as I walked out of the kitchen with a piece of toast. So yeah, big night ahead of me.
____ Better get off of Facebook soon. It's Friday night, and these cats won't Bedazzle themselves...
____ accidentally called a phone sex line for married people. It was just a long uncomfortable silence till the operator said “make it quick.”
____ My inner voices are giving me all sorts of New Year's resolution ideas. No wait.. That's just the dishwasher running.
____ Whenever I block someone from Facebook, I pretend I'm the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld: "No soup for you!" and then I laugh and laugh.
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