Wednesday, January 18, 2012

hilarious facebook status updates

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____ ◄ is looking forward to a weekend full of regretful behavior and irreversible decisions. 
____ I'm pretty sure I could beat up a shark. 
____ "Well, I tried." -any judge at the end of any given work day 
____ Sometimes I like to storm into the office yelling "OK PEOPLE! I WANNA SEE SOME CHANGES AROUND HERE!" while throwing underwear in everyone's faces and leaving before they realize I don't work there. 
____ Like this status and I will post naked for the next hour. Won't do much for you guys, but it'll certainly liven up Starbucks. 
____ This status brought to you by the fact that my autocorrect knows when I'm drunk. 
____ Nothing in life is free. Other than the stuff you successfully steal. 
____ FYI- I have a high success rate at leaving people for dead. 
____ I haven't been in a relationship for so long, Facebook just asked if I am okay. 
____ "I can't believe it's not clutter." ~ A recovering hoarder
____ If I could do a back flip, you'd know it.... because that's how I would enter and exit every room. Always.
____ I WANNA ROCK! - Dee Snider at a quarry. 
____ Whoever said "You can't fold a piece of paper in half 8 times" has clearly never seen me use the last sheet of toilet paper. 

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