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__ None of my friends ask if I want to know what they're thinking anymore. They just blurt it out on Facebook and hope I care
____ I just passed a breathalyzer...back to the cop! Like I need THAT to know that I'm drunk. Idiot!
____ Ladies, stop looking for a guy to sweep you off your feet. Sweeping is your job.
____ Where do you keep your booze? I keep mine in my liver, like normal people.
____ I pooped in a plastic egg and put it in my neighbors bushes. Cant wait for his annoying kid to find it.
____ My a$$hole neighbor has this unhealthy obsession with washing eggs off the side of his house and car.
____ 11 airbags? Pretty soon cars will be padded, human sized hampster balls.
____ Second only to my giant hamster ball for zombie defense is my razor blade hula hoop.
____ I think it's cute how my bankruptcy attorney thinks I'm going to pay him!
____ The smile on my face doesn't mean my life is perfect. It means I'm way too drunk to change my expression.
__ None of my friends ask if I want to know what they're thinking anymore. They just blurt it out on Facebook and hope I care
____ I just passed a breathalyzer...back to the cop! Like I need THAT to know that I'm drunk. Idiot!
____ Ladies, stop looking for a guy to sweep you off your feet. Sweeping is your job.
____ Where do you keep your booze? I keep mine in my liver, like normal people.
____ I pooped in a plastic egg and put it in my neighbors bushes. Cant wait for his annoying kid to find it.
____ My a$$hole neighbor has this unhealthy obsession with washing eggs off the side of his house and car.
____ 11 airbags? Pretty soon cars will be padded, human sized hampster balls.
____ Second only to my giant hamster ball for zombie defense is my razor blade hula hoop.
____ I think it's cute how my bankruptcy attorney thinks I'm going to pay him!
____ The smile on my face doesn't mean my life is perfect. It means I'm way too drunk to change my expression.
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