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____ My favorite ingredient in this trail mix is the Xanax.
____ I think they call it the LIFETIME network because when you are forced to watch one of those stupid shoes IT SURE SEEMS LIKE IT.
____ Where does Wi-fi go when it dissappears? Probably just around the corner laughing at me.
____ The day after my birthday I changed my birthdate to the next day on Facebook to test a theory. Yup, nobody cared then either
____ Last night my status was "sleeping naked." I got "likes" from 4 girls, 1 guy and 6 mosquitoes.
____ Dear People Who Thought Ignoring Me Would Offend Me, HA HA HA!
____ Feminine sanitation jokes are inappropriate. Period.
____ I broke up with my treadmill. We're not working out. :(
____ I'd jump in front of a train for you. As long as its not moving.
____ I failed a health and safety test at work today. The question was "What steps would you take if there was a fire?" "Big damn ones" was the wrong answer.
____ Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you.
____ It's called a car alarm but it only wakes me and never wakes the car.
____ Admit it! You're just afraid of the like button!
____ Darth Vader had a helluva case of emphysema.
____ I'm sure I'll regret posting this tomorrow. That's why I'm posting it TONIGHT!
____ My favorite ingredient in this trail mix is the Xanax.
____ I think they call it the LIFETIME network because when you are forced to watch one of those stupid shoes IT SURE SEEMS LIKE IT.
____ Where does Wi-fi go when it dissappears? Probably just around the corner laughing at me.
____ The day after my birthday I changed my birthdate to the next day on Facebook to test a theory. Yup, nobody cared then either
____ Last night my status was "sleeping naked." I got "likes" from 4 girls, 1 guy and 6 mosquitoes.
____ Dear People Who Thought Ignoring Me Would Offend Me, HA HA HA!
____ Feminine sanitation jokes are inappropriate. Period.
____ I broke up with my treadmill. We're not working out. :(
____ I'd jump in front of a train for you. As long as its not moving.
____ I failed a health and safety test at work today. The question was "What steps would you take if there was a fire?" "Big damn ones" was the wrong answer.
____ Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you.
____ It's called a car alarm but it only wakes me and never wakes the car.
____ Admit it! You're just afraid of the like button!
____ Darth Vader had a helluva case of emphysema.
____ I'm sure I'll regret posting this tomorrow. That's why I'm posting it TONIGHT!
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