Saturday, March 31, 2012

witty facebook status updates

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____ There once was a fellow who was kinda mellow, He sat on his couch and facebooked. His wife didn't like it, took his Ipad and spiked it. Thank God he still has his nook. 
____ NAKED LADY WALKING RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE OF 7TH!! And that's how I got the last 2 donuts. 
____ Doctors advised Willie Nelson that having his deviated septum fixed would ruin his career...
____ My name is Daniel, not that anyone cares. 
____ What if I only want half the shebang? wtf. 
____ High mai naym is Miz.Speld. I'll bee yore teechur tooday. (Stephanie Manera)
____ I tried, I really did. I threw my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn't care. It's not working. 
____ I had a dream that I was the bottom of a vodka bottle. 
____ Ok guys I just finished my lunch so now I'm off to work...on a new status idea! 
____ Supervision. Not as cool as it sounds, huh? 
____ I need a major attitude adjustment.. and I think I just found it in this bong. 
____ Sometimes, when I don't want anyone to talk to me, I stand on a busy street corner with a clip board. 
____ I'm pretty jealous of strippers because having their periods is a legitimate excuse to not come in to work.

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